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Thursday, March 5, 2009

An Addendum

I was just told that my previous post was...ahem...a little...shocking? thought provoking? controversial?

I want to clarify.

Firstly, you can link back here to another post I wrote about this topic.

Now, let me explain a little more. I kind of pounded out the previous post and just hit publish without thinking of how it could be misconstrued.

I love my Dovalah more than live itself. He is my gift from G-d. He is magnificent. But he suffers every day, and mothers want nothing more than to take away the hurt from their children.

Selfishly, I wish I could be a "normal" mom, and not the person who people talk about. "Did you hear that Sara's son Dovi is in the hospital again?" "Did you hear that Sara's son Dovi's blood pressure is 8 million over 3 million?"

Now granted, I put myself out there with this lovely blog. But this blog is not called Sara's Life, it's called Dovi's Life. It was originally started because all my siblings live out of town and I got darn sick of telling the same Dovi medical information over and over. So the blog was born and has kinda grown from there.

But wanting Dovi to be healthy, and being at peace with the fact that G-d for some reason unbeknown to me wanted Dovi to have FD are two drastically different things.

I wish that he didn't have FD. I would give up ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING in my entire lifetime for him not to have FD. But that is not reality. He does have FD. And my wanting him not to have FD will not change that he does. I will never understand the why. But I can hate the what.

And that is fine with me.

Make sense?

6 comments:

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

Yes, it does make sense, and of course, every word is true. Our love for our children eclipses all else in our lives. Well done, ma'am!

Stephanie said...

I got it the first time ;-) I've always said that you handle Dovi's illness with a grace, honesty and courage I don't think I have (and selfishly hope to never find out if I do). That being said, you have every right to wish things were different, even though you have accepted that they will not be. There is a difference between acceptance and happiness. And there is a difference between a disability and a terminal disease.
You are a great mom and Dovi is lucky to have the family he has, and having him has made you who you are, as all of us are changed by our experiences.
Anyone who knows you (and probably some people who don't, but read your blog) knows that you love him fiercely.

Rach said...

I know this isn't what you want to hear because you're very modest but...

I love reading your blog because I learn so much from you. You are really incredible.

I was so moved by what you said in the last post, it was so thought provoking. I have spent the rest of the day letting it process in my mind.

I think because my professional job is to help people through hard times, I like to think about conceptualizing how people handle painful things. And that's why my wheels in my brain kept turning today.

That and how amazing you are.

That's it, Dovi is in my thoughts often.

Nahum and Rebecca said...

It makes perfect sense. Perfectly said.

rickismom said...

I wrote about this once. I agree with you very much.

http://beneaththewings.blogspot.com/2008/03/i-wouldnt-change-her-if-i-could.html

Stash Empress said...

Write on sister ;-)

(Stash Empress, aka Malky, Shloimy's mother)