Thursday, May 8, 2008

So with the clarity of a new day

I have realized that yes, I totally, 100% lost it at the hearing today. I was seriously out of control. Psycho. Insane woman. I really thought I might have a stroke, my blood pressure was so high. I was NUTS.

And first I was feeling bad about it. I wish I could be one of those cool, in control type of people-taking my sedate notes as the "doctor" talked, waited my turn nicely and politely, kept my freaking mouth shut, and participated (ok I'll admit it) politely. I kind of felt like a fool.

But then I realized-that's not me. I am not sedate. I am generally not cool and collected. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and am certainly not...shall we say...sedate. Sara P=not sedate. So maybe I screwed up-maybe I was TOO emotional. I probably was. But if I am guilty of loving Dovi too much, and caring too much when someone insults my child and all that he goes through on a daily basis, so be it. But that is me. And I don't think I can apologize for that. I've come to the conclusion however, that I would be a crappy person to have to defend in a court of law, because I cannot keep my freaking mouth shut. Let's hope we never need to go there-if they deny us this appeal, we can sue the State of Illinois in the Circuit Court. At which point I believe Hal would only agree to take the case if I would wear both a straitjacket and a muzzle.

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