Rebecca Reminded Me

That I forgot to tell you my funny-Sara-is-a-flake story.

Friday was my birthday.

I am a twin (you all remember that, right?)

So at 8 am on Friday, the phone rings. It's my (twin) sister.

"Happy Birthday!"

What's the first thought that goes through my head at 8 am on Friday morning when I haven't had my coffee yet?

"Wow. Rebecca's good. She remembered my birthday so early in the morning. Wow"

Yes. That is what I thought as my TWIN sister called me to wish me happy birthday.

I'm quick. Yes, I am.

I'm happy to report

That the sheep brains had not yet arrived. We got a two day reprieve!

But I did have to go to the bookstore and purchase my very own dissection kit in a fancy burgundy leatherette case. Ooh la la.

BTW last Friday was my birthday. In honor of that auspicious occasion, Shana decided to come down with strep throat.

Which did net me a new gift card to CVS when we filled her amoxacillin, but I really could have done without.

I am also happy to report that in honor of my birthday the couponing G-ds aligned and I had a most delightful couponing afternoon on Friday after I dumped my sick daughter at home with Michal arranged for Shana to spend a lovely afternoon with our friend Michal eating salsa and chips and watching Shrek. So at least it wasn't all a wash.

Wish me luck on Wednesday. And by the way folks, he told us that sheep cow eyeballs are on the way for next week.

Yay!

Say a Prayer for Me on Monday

A prayer that I do not vomit my brains out.

On Monday afternoon, we are dissecting sheep brains in anatomy class.


I want to cry.

It will be April 26th.

The semester ends May 12th.

I seriously thought that I was going to get out of the class with no dissections. Hello, it's been what? Four months? Now, with two weeks less he springs this on us? Eek.

I told my lab partner Justin that his job on Monday was to dissect, and my job on Monday was to not vomit.

Wish us both luck.

I win the flake of the year award.

Today I went to Dominicks to get paid $12 to remove buy a few bottles of this.


I got home and was unpacking my loot, and I noticed something odd about one of the bottles. I looked at it. I shook it.

Instead of liquid, the inside seemed to be filled with gravel.

Hmmm.

Odd, I thought.

So I called the 800 number on the back of the bottle and told them that the product that I had purchased did not seem to be shower cleaner. Instead, it seemed to be gravel.

The lady started laughing.

It seems, that instead of a bottle of shower cleaner, I purchased the demo bottle of shower cleaner. Y'know, the one they put out in front of a product to show you what it is?

Except that at Dominicks, there was a big ole basket of shower cleaners, including this one, and I grabbed a few and paid.

So really, it's not my fault-they put it in by mistake.

But seriously. Who does stuff like this? Only me.

She told me that I should just take it back to Dominicks and exchange it.

And she's mailing me a coupon fora free bottle for my troubles.

So sometimes being flaky pays off!

I suppose I should tell you all.

No.

I did not get into the nursing program for next year.

Wait.

Don't freak out everyone.

I have much to explain.

First of all, I truly, in my heart of hearts, believe that this was Ratzon HaShem, or G-d's Will, for reasons that I'll explain later.

Secondly, once my bruised little ego recovered, I realized that (besides for it being Ratzon HaShem), it really had nothing to do with me, as a person, as a student, that I didn't get in. It was purely a numbers game.

The program that I applied for has a very simple points based ranking process for determining acceptance. There are 4 classes that you must take in order to apply for the program, and 3 classes that are not required to apply, but if you have taken them, you get many, many additional points for the ranking. Those classes can be taken either before or after you enter the program, but in order to entice you to take them before you enter, you get lots of points if you take them.

There is no essay, no interview, no letter of recommendation. Points, and points only.

I didn't take any of those 3 classes. Yes, I am currently taking two of them. But the application was due in February and you don't get credit for classes that are not completed.

So I had 66 points. If I had gotten credit for those 2 classes that I am currently taking, I'd have 98 points. That's a big difference, huh?

Well of the over 400 people that applied for the 192 spots in the program, over 192 people had taken said extra classes.

So despite the fact that I'm a good student, and have lots of experience, and a really compelling story, none of that mattered. The fact was that I have 66 points. And 192 people had more than that.

So. Why is this all Ratzon HaShem, you ask?

Let me list the two reasons that I've come up with.

1. You all know that Dovi's Bar Mitzvah is in November. Although I didn't tell anyone, I was extremely nervous about beginning my first semester of nursing school and rotations in the hospital while planning Dovi's Bar Mitzvah, which promises to be both (a) hectic and crazy and (b) incredibly emotional and draining.

2. I'm going to look at other programs. Loyola has a 16 month program as well, which would give me a Bachelors of Nursing instead of an Associates. Frankly, I'm not so sure what benefit I'd get with a Bachelors vs. an Associates, but I'm going to the information session at the end of this month to see. What I do have going for me is that I am a Loyola Alumnus. The annoying part is that I'd have to take two extra classes to get in-one is easier (Developmental Psychology), and one is not (Organic Chemistry).


So what am I going to do?

I'm going to take Anatomy/Physiology 2 this fall. Maybe Organic Chemistry as well. Will look into Developmental Psychology for the summer (I think I found an online course through City Colleges). I'm going to look into more programs. I'm going to reapply for the program for the following year. I'm going to chill out and enjoy planning Dovi's Bar Mitzvah, and will try to come up with a way to avoid crying every time I say the words "Dovi's Bar Mitzvah".

Don't tell me you're so sorry. Because I'm not. Well, my ego was a tad bruised at first. But I'm past that. Everything happens for a reason. I've said before that G-d has plans that we often don't know or understand. This is another example.

It's all good.

Brilliant! If only I'd thought of it...

Yesterday, I got a call from Elisha:

"Mommy, my tummy hurts"

"Do you need to throw up? Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"No, Mommy, my tummy just hurts"

Now if that isn't an ambiguous complaint I don't know what is.

The school reported no fever.

So what to do? Do I go get him? Leave him there? What happens if he pukes all over his desk? At home, little Mr. Elisha is the Boy Who Cried Wolf. His "tummy hurts" all the time, especially when it's time to clean up.

But he's never called me before. So I felt torn. I told the staff that I needed to drive Dovi to school (I was on the highway doing just that) and I wouldn't be back in the neighborhood for about an hour (truth? I needed to go to Meijer. Any buy 25 boxes of Barilla Pasta for 1 cent each. Priorities, folks!) I told them I'd swing by school when I got back and we'd assess then, and they sent him back to class.

Well a friend of mine (should I identify you? Don't want to embarrass you) had a brilliant idea. This is what I did.

I went to school and got him from his classroom to chat. I asked him how he was feeling.

"Maybe I need to go home, Mommy"

"Well Elisha, if you go home, you'll need to put on your pjs and get into bed"

"Well Mommy, I haven't had lunch yet"

"After lunch you'll need to get into bed (and here comes the brilliant part) AND Elisha, since it is such a beautiful day outside, I was planning on taking you guys to Slurpees this afternoon. But if your tummy feels yucky, we can't do that. Slurpees are not good for upset tummies"

I could see the wheels turning in his little head.

"Hmmm Mommy, I think I'll be ok. I think I can stay at school the rest of the day"

Kiss, hug, and off he scampered to his class.

And yes, we went to Slurpees. In order for this method of mental manipulation to work, one must be willing to fulfill their end of the bargain. So we strolled to Slurpees at 6:30 pm. Why on earth do kids insist on combining all of the repulsive Slurpee flavors? Don't they know that Coke with a dash of Sprite is the preferred Slurpee?

What kind of Slurpee do you like?

When was the last time you had this serviced?

So most of you know that Dovi sleeps on BiPap. For those who don't, BiPap stands for BiLateral Positive Airway Pressure. A BiPap machine forces air into your lungs. It's used for sleep apnea, which Dovi kind of has.


Ooh check out this snazzy drawing. I did not do it. Lifted it from the lovely internet. But that's exactly what Dovi looks like at night. Except he's cuter.

He also uses 1 liter of oxygen with the BiPap. Why all these lovely devices, you may ask? Well kids with FD have a very bad habit of going to sleep and not waking up. Yes. Not waking up. The leading cause of death (at least it seems to me over the last few years in FDland) is just that. Going to sleep and not waking up. Yes, FD sucks. Don't say I didn't tell you so. Big time sucks. So we do everything in our power to hedge our bets. We have BiPap. We have oxygen. We have a pulse ox right there. We have a blood pressure monitor. We have a nurse at night, both to give him his feeds and meds, and to make sure that he keeps his BiPap and oxygen on. Because he has a naughty habit of unhooking himself. (Case in point, 3 am last night when he took it off).

So.

After that lovely, depressing paragraph, give you the somewhat entertaining source for the title of this post.

A few weeks ago, Dovi's BiPap was acting a little squirrly one night. So I called home health. THe respiratory therapist on call got us straightened out, but a few days later, we got a call from home health that they needed to "come and download the data" from the BiPap. Umm huh? Dovi's had the BiPap for I think two or three years. Hang on, I'll go find out...ok I looked it up in old posts. He got his BiPap in the summer of 2008. So 2 years. And never once have we heard from home health about "coming to download the data".

So we figured out a a time and the guy came today.

He downloaded data. And then he asked: "When is the last time you changed the filter?"

I said: "The BiPap has a filter?"

Then I told him that no one had ever come out to service us. He was horrified. And got a new filter. And showed me the old one. It could not have been healthy for Dovi to have that BLACK moldy filter in his BiPap. Vomit.

Then he asked me how often we change the BiPap mask. Umm never?

So he gave us a new, smaller one to try out. Dovi flatly refused. I need to call tomorrow to get another one of his big honking masks. Little weirdo. But then again you couldn't pay me to sleep on a BiPap and he's a good little trooper.

Most of the time.

But seriously. Two years? No service? How was I to know? Oops.

OK I find this funny. But in the rereading, it seems more pathetic and depressing than funny. Sorry.

Have I Mentioned

that I have the teeth of a 90 year old homeless man who grew up in a country with no fluoridated water?

I believe that I have bemoaned the horrid state of my teeth at one time or another.

Well it seems that 2/4 of my children are suffering the same fate as me.

Poor Shana.

Poor Jakie.

They are both on cavities Numbers 3 and 4.

Elisha? None. "And I eat a lot of candy, Mommy. And don't always brush my teeth so well"

Fabulous.

Poor little chickies. They're both having their 2 cavities filled in a few weeks, and Jakie's having sealant put on 1 of his teeth.

Luckily, my dentist believes in knocking out the little stinkers gently sedating the children so as to avoid any undue trauma drugs em up with nitrous oxide , so hopefully it won't be too bad.

Did I mention that it seems that they both have my teeth?

Oy. Maybe we should just save some time and pull out all their adult teeth and just give them implants. Have I told you guys that I still have a humongo crater in my mouth from where my tooth got filled that can't be filled in until about September? Lovely.

Poor little ones. I feel the need to go wake them up and floss them. (yes, I wrote this post at night and set it to publish on Friday)

Still. Have. Not. Heard.

I seem to be completely paralyzed right now.

I have been waiting to hear from the nursing program that I applied to.

Since last week. The acceptance letters were supposed to be mailed "on or before April 1".

Well it is now APRIL 7th and I have. not. yet. heard.

But then again, neither has anyone else.

What the heck? Why are they messing with me this way?

Don't they know that I am totally way to OCD to deal with not hearing on the date I was supposed to?

I honestly cannot think of anything else right now.

Paralyzed.

Will update when I hear.


Oh and as a sidebar, if there was any doubt that the Robinol that Dovi is on to control his secretions (aka drooling) actually did anything, I direct you now to my lovely son who was not on Robinol for about 4 days thanks to my extreme forgetfulness over the end of Pesach. He is one juicy dude. But no fears, I picked up the Robinol today. Oh and no worries, everyone-I would've walked to Target to pick up his meds on Yom Tov-if I'd remembered to go. Yes, I'm clearly mother of the year. But he's really fine. Nothing like a freshly dried up Dovi.